Idiot #1 -
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little two year old daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful there was not a need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened to say that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order
to kill the ants. I told her that now she should bring her daughter into the
Emergency room right away.
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Idiot #2 -
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided
to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river,
they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Idiot #3 -
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write
the note and would call the police before he reached the tellers window. So
he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note that it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"and
left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
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Idiot #4 -
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed zone, it not
only measured his speed using radar it also photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40.00 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.00. Several days
later, he received another letter from the police dept. that contained a
picture of handcuffs. He paid the $40.00.
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Idiot #5 -
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. So he told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said, " I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe
him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was
in fact over 21 he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the
store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave them
the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot #6 -
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Idiot #7 -
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
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