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| Home page This joke has received 136 votes. |
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I
drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --by Jack Handy I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. To some its a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Subject: Beer Warnings Since product liability litigation is only expected to increase in the new millennium, beer manufacturers are considering using the FDA's suggestion that the following ten warning labels be placed on all beer containers produced in the US during the year 2000: 1 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 2 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 3 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 4 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. 5 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting. 6 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical kung-fu powers. 7 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. 8 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. 9 - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named Bubba. 10 -WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy. |